Curves and All
by Radar-rox
Summary: Fed up with the other kids calling him Fatass all the time, Cartman decides to get a sex change to become a hot curvy woman. What will happen? Wait and see! EDIT: Not updated in ages, and am unlikely to. You're welcome to read, but you won't get any more!
1. Chapter 1

**Hello South Park readers! This is my very first South Park fic so please be gentle with me! I very much hope that this idea hasn't been done before, I did do a search for it which didn't come up with anything, so hopefully I'm not stepping on any toes.. But anyway. Just before we get started, a big thanks to Helen for beta-ing this for me, and also to Faery Goddyss, whose awesome fic 'Short Stories with Tragic Endings' inspired me to write a SP one of my own! Oh yeah, and a quick note to say that its half term at the moment so I _may_ get another chapter written and uploaded this week, but generally updates will probably take a while because I've got college work to do, plus a Mighty Boosh fic which is really my priority. So yeah.**

**Disclaimer: do you really think I own South Park? Come on...**

'But Mhu-ooom!' Eric Cartman whined.

'No Eric, Mommy told you, we're not buying Major A.Hole's Courage Crunch, Mrs Broflovski told me that that cereal promotes violence.'

'But MHU-OOOOOOOM!' He screeched.

'No Eric, you'll just have to make do with Fluffy Bumpkin's Marshmallow Munch.'

'Jewish bitch always ruins everything..' muttered Cartman as he waddled over to the shelves of cereal. 'Ay! Get out of the way fatty, I can't get to the goddam cereal!' He snapped at a large woman who was taking her time trying to choose between two cereals whose boxes promoted rapid weight loss through different nutrients, and the contents of which were essentially the same – 8 corn, 92 rabbit droppings.

'Now Eric,' chided his mother. 'It isn't nice to call people things like that.'

'But all the kids at school call me Fatass all the time!'

'Yes Dumpling, and doesn't it hurt you?'

'Well ma, I think it hurts them more, because I kick 'em in the nuts.'

'All the same Eric, its not nice to call people that, especially women. Women of that body shape are known as 'curvy'.'

'Why?'

'Because it's a nicer way of putting things. Curvy women are very attractive.'

'How do you know what sort of women are attractive?'

'Oh look Eric, do you want some Cheesy Poofs?'

Cartman greedily grabbed five bags, and watched the woman retreat. 'Curvy, eh?'

_The next morning_

'You guys! You guys!'

Stan, Kyle and Kenny were waiting at the bus stop as usual. 'What is it Cartman?'

'You guys, I figured out a way to stop you calling me Fatass!'

'You're finally gonna loose some weight, Fat Boy?' Asked Kyle.

'Shut up Kyle ya goddam Jew! No you guys, I am gonna become…. A woman.' He waited for their admiration. It didn't come.

Stan stared at him. 'What?'

'If I get a sex change and become a woman, you assholes won't be able to make fun of me any more!'

'(Why the hell not, you'll still be fucking fat!)' Said Kenny, muffled as usual by his jacket.

'Shut up Kenny your family's poor!' Kenny glared at him. 'You don't understand, I looked it up on the internet, fat women aren't fat, they're _curvy_, and what's more – its hot.'

The school bus pulled up and they filed on. 'No Cartman, no way you're gonna go through with this, they wouldn't give a sex change to an eight year old!'

'You just wait and see Kyle, I'll be curvy, and then all the guys are gonna be so into me.'

'Dude, you want _guys_ to be into you?'

'When I'm a hot curvy woman, yeah!'

'Just because your body's a woman doesn't mean you are retard, you'll still be you.'

'You're just jealous Kyle, you'll see, I'll be curvy and everyone will love me, and in the meantime, you can suck ma balls.'

'Young man, what did you say?' Screamed Mrs Crabtree from the drivers seat.

'Why, I said 'I like gulls' Mrs Crabtree.'

'Oh. Ok then.'

* * *

'Ok children, today we're gonna learn about Pythagoras' Theorem, or some crap like that.' Announced 'Mrs' Garrison. 'Yes Eric, what is it?'

Cartman lowered his hand. 'Yes Mrs Garrison, could you tell us about your sex change operation please?'

'Eric, I've already explained this to you all, I didn't feel happy with myself as a man, I had an operation-'

'No, no, I mean tell us about the actual operation, what did they do to you?'

'Dude, I don't wanna know about some doctor slicing off Mr Garrison's dick!' Cried Stan.

'Yeah dude, that's sick!' added Kyle.

'Now now, settle down children. Alright Eric, if you want to know what my operation entailed, I'll tell you.'

Kyle raised his hand. 'Mrs Garrison, may I be excused?'

'Well Kyle, you know that if you want to be excused you have to ask Mr Hat.'

'Forget it.' He said miserably, and slumped on his desk with his hands over his ears while Mrs Garrison went into meticulously gory detail about the operation. Some of the children, like Cartman, were fascinated, others joined Kyle in covering their ears. Stan, of course, was sick.

'I see..' muttered Cartman when Mrs Garrison had finished, scribbling down notes. 'And where did you go for this operation?'

'At the hospital Eric, but why the heck are you suddenly so interested? Last time I tried to tell you about it you told me to go suck a donkey boner.'

'What can I say Mrs Garrison, I've changed.'

'That's bullshit Cartman!' Cried Kyle, who had uncovered his ears by now.

'Kyle Broflovski, watch your mouth!'

'Sorry Mrs Garrison, but Cartman's lying, he's not interested in you, he wants to get a sex change himself!'

'Eric, you're eight years old, what on earth do you want a sex change for, I'm sure you can't possibly be gender-confused, they wouldn't give you a sex change operation.'

'No, no Mrs Garrison, it's nothing like that, I want to become a woman so people will call me curvy instead of fat.'

'Oh I see. Well, go right ahead then Eric, and good luck to you!'

'Kickass!' Cartman hurried out of the classroom.

'(Dude, what the fuck?)'

_Hell's Pass Hospital_

'Ok Eric, because you're a minor, we're gonna need the permission of a parent or guardian before we actually perform the operation.'

'Ay! I don't have time for any of this shit, I'm supposed to be back in school tomorrow! Just cut me up already!'

'Well alrighty then.'

_One speedy operation later_

'Perfect'

**Hope you liked that, please review!**


	2. Chapter 2

**Thanks for reviews! Just a quick note to say that the phrase 'that's a smashing blouse you have on' is taken from the excellent show Bottom, so credits to the great Rik Mayall and Ade Edmondson on that one.**

The next day, Cartman wasn't waiting with the others at the bus stop as usual. He wasn't in first lesson. Or second.

'He's probably just ditching again.' Said Stan at breaktime.

'(No, Cartman wouldn't miss today, we're having meatloaf for lunch! Chef made a whole extra one for him!)'

'Yeah you're right Kenny, he wouldn't miss that, the big Fatass.' Said Kyle. 'I wonder what's up?'

'Oh, uh, hey fellas.'

'Hi Butters' they chorused.

'You folks seen Eric? We're, uh, supposed to be science partners later, but he ain't around no place.'

'Yeah, we don't know where he is.' Said Stan.

'Oh, uh, ok. Sure is uh, quiet in class without him though, aint it?'

'Yeah. Pretty sweet huh?'

Stan, unfortunately, spoke too soon, for at that very moment, there was a disturbance at the other end of the playground.

'Hey, what's going on over there?' asked Kyle, and they hurried over to join the growing crowd. 'Oh, god dammit…'

Yes, it was Cartman alright, only not quite. The operation had been a success, and he, or technically she, for Cartman was now an anatomically correct woman, was showing off her new body, curves and all.

'(Cartman looks hot)' Said Kenny.

'Dude!' exclaimed Stan and Kyle together.

'Kenny, its still Cartman you freak, he doesn't look hot!'

'Yeah dude that's sick, get the hell outta here!'

Kenny shuffled away.

'Dude, Kenny's kinda right though..'

'Yeah.'

Loads of the guys were gathered around Cartman, admiring her fine new form.

'I say Eric, that's a smashing blouse you have on.' Said Pip.

'Cartman, where the hell have you been? You missed two whole lessons!'

'Oh please, call me Erica. And I've just been getting ready, touching up my makeup, I wanted to look good for all you hot guys.' She said, fluttering her mascara'd eyelashes.

Kyle stared at him for a moment. 'That's it, I'm never speaking to you again.'

'Oh, I doubt that's true, big boy.' Purred Erica, pressing herself against him.

'Dude!'

The girls wandered over. 'What's going on here?' Asked Wendy. Stan had to look away from her to stop himself throwing up.

'Oh hi girls.' Erica smiled.

'….What the-?'

'That's right Wendy, I've had a sex change to become a woman. You're always saying that I don't understand what it's like to be a woman, well, now I will.'

'What?!' cried Kyle. 'That's not why you had a sex change, you said it was because you were sick of us calling you a fatass!'

Erica quickly tuned to put her arm around Wendy. 'Heh, Kyle's just a little confused, you know how men are… now lets talk style, I love what you've done with your hair here..'

Kyle turned away in disgust. 'I can't believe this.'

Stan turned to follow him. 'At least he isn't a total asshole anymore.'

'But he's totally degrading and objectifying women!'

'You're the only one who seems to care dude. Look, even Wendy isn't bothered.' He said, pointing to where Wendy was admiring Erica's skirt.

'Hey you're right. Then I guess… no, dammit, it does matter, even if not even Wendy thinks so!

**Is Wendy _really_ taken in by all of this? You'll have to wait until the next chapter to see!**

**All reviews will be replied to, unless fanfiction has one of its frequent attacks of ghey and stops sending me emails! So please review!**


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